


The Missing Piece

by Namastiel



Series: Season 15 codas [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20 coda, Boys In Love, But making things better, Canon Compliant, Idiots in Love, M/M, Self-Hatred, Series finale coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:00:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28380576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Namastiel/pseuds/Namastiel
Summary: Everything was okay and the world wasn’t ending anymore. On the road, with his baby and his music, he can pretend he has everything he needs. Even if that isn’t entirely true. After everything he’s been through, he has made it to Heaven. He is surrounded by people he loved and he is finally at peace. So he can’t complain, right?Then why does he feels like something's missing? Why is he still miserable, even in paradise?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Season 15 codas [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078604
Kudos: 28





	The Missing Piece

**Author's Note:**

> Hi SPNFam’
> 
> I’m back! I have to admit that I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to write again after the finale, as it has happened to me in other fandoms I was previously in. And for a day or so after watching it, I thought that was it. Like a lot of you, I not only lost my favorite show, my anchor for the past decade, but I also had to go through the huge disappointment that it was.
> 
> “Family don’t end with blood”, right? I think the total oversight of anybody non-blood related to the Winchesters, apart from Bobby (and I’m SO glad her was there), hurt me even more than the lack of Destiel. But as Misha said, it’s up to us to fix-it, work on our own interpretation and fill the holes these two episodes have left us with. 
> 
> It took me a whole month to write this, bit and pieces here and there to put together when I had the strength to dive back into it, but I really wanted this to be my perfect epilogue, make it canon compliant while trying to justify some reactions or lack thereof from the finale. I feel like the end is way too cheesy, but I also couldn’t imagine any other end to this.
> 
> I also wanted to thank every single one of you who picked themselves up by writing and sharing their ideal ending. I needed to focus on mine first, but it fills my heart to see so many pages of codas that am sure are making everything better. THANK YOU and I can’t wait to read them all!
> 
> I have a few other ideas in mind, I feel like rewriting the end of season 15 might be my new therapy. Hopefully I can turn these ideas into stories and share those with you soon! And by soon, I mean it's probably going to take me another month or two, please bear with me :)

Sam had arrived a little while ago. How long exactly, he wasn’t sure. It could have been a few days, or even a few weeks. It had probably been longer than that knowing how time worked in Heaven. After all, he had been dead for about 30 years by the time Sam had finally joined him, and to him he had only seemed like a week or two.

Dean was content. He had his baby brother back, they had had some drinks with Bobby and dinner with their parents. They were even having games nights at the Roadhouse, and of course, Charlie would join them. Later, Jody and Donna started showing up too, and Dean realized that he’s never been surrounded by so many people he loved when he was alive. It was so good to finally have them all under the same roof. Everything was okay and the world wasn’t ending anymore.

However, Eileen had finally arrived to be by Sam side. And no matter how happy he was to see her again, to see how his brother’s smile had gotten even bigger since she had joined them, seeing them together only reminded him of the gaping hole in his chest.

So, he went for a drive. On the road, with his baby and his music, he can pretend he has everything he needs. Even if that isn’t entirely true. After everything he’s been through, he has made it to Heaven. He is surrounded by people he loved and he is finally at peace. So he can’t complain, right?

He gets out of the Impala when he reaches the river and grabs the fishing gear that had magically appeared it the trunk at some point. He hadn’t been around for that long, but had already stopped questioning Heaven’s tricks. After all, it meant he was getting pie, beer and his Baby. He didn’t always need to eat, or sleep and had no idea of how time worked up here, but he had decided to go along with the process.

He settles down and casts his line in the water, enjoying the peace and quiet. He remembers being in the same position, at a very similar spot, when Castiel first visited his dreams, years ago. He thinks about Jack’s excitement when they went fishing together for the first time. He closes his eyes and allows himself to miss them. He knows Jack is everywhere, so technically he’s also here with him, but he misses the kid and his goofiness. He wishes he could have been a kid a bit longer, had a proper childhood. He wishes he had treated him better. He thinks about how sorry he is and hopes Jack is listening.

He wants to think about Cas too, because he’s barely let himself do so since that night, and he especially refuses to think about him when he’s around his family. He doesn’t want to let them see that part of him is still hollow and miserable, even in paradise. They probably know though, because they seem to avoid mentioning him. He knows Jack has saved the angel from the Empty, and knowing he’s around and safe is more than he could have asked for, but he still misses him. He’s still grieving his best friend, and he misses what he could have had, if he hadn’t been so oblivious and stupid. He hopes he’s still watching him, once in a while, even though he hasn’t stopped by to see him. Dean hasn’t prayed either, because Cas is probably better off without him. He feels a sob coming and tries to swallow it back down, but realizes it’s pointless and nobody can see him anyway. He already has a lump in his throat and tears welling in his eyes, so he might as well go all in and let himself mourn for a bit right?

As the first tears fall, he feels the air shifting. It’s subtle, but familiar. As he’s about to turn around, he hears a voice he didn’t think he’d ever hear again.

“Hello Dean.”

He knows his heart is not technically beating anymore, but he definitely remembers the feeling of it missing a beat. He breathes deeply, then takes his fishing rod out of the water, wipes his face with the back of his hand and gets up, turning around to face the angel. He tries to look calm and collected, even though he feels like his whole body is shaking.

“Cas. It’s so good to see you!” He says, his voice trembling.

He caves as he finally meets Castiel’s gaze and warm smile and steps towards him to pull him in an embrace. As he reaches around his shoulders to bring him even closer, he knows the tears are falling again. They hadn’t really gotten to say goodbye, at least Dean hadn’t, and feeling his warmth again only reminds him of how painful losing him was, and how long it’s been since they last saw each other.

“I missed you so much buddy.” He whispers against the angel’s ear, before burying his face in the warmth of his neck. He doesn’t know how long he’ll be around, so he decides to make the most of it, hug him for as long as he can.

Castiel, who was a little stiff and seemed slightly reluctant at first, finally melts against him at his words.

“I missed you too.” He replies. Dean can feel him take a deep breath, something so human for an angel, before adding: “I wasn’t sure you wanted to see me.”

“What?” Surprised, he takes a step back to face the angel again. Their whole bodies aren’t touching anymore, but Dean can’t remove his hand from Castiel’s shoulder. He needs the touch to know he’s really here with him.

“I know time is a strange concept here, especially for humans, but it’s been almost 40 years since we last saw each other, Dean. That’s longer than the time we spent together on Earth. You never prayed to me. I never even felt your longing until now.” Cas says before lowering his eyes, avoiding the hunter’s gaze.

His words feel like a slap in the face. “Cas, I’m sorry. I just…”

“I know I’ve said things, before the Empty took me that have changed our friendship and probably made you uncomfortable.” Cast interrupts. “Sam said you wanted to see me though, so I thought I’d give it a try.” He adds.

“You talked to Sam?” Dean asks, surprised.

“He started praying to me soon after he got here. He was wondering if I was around since he’d been told I was working with Jack and wanted to hear from us. To catch up. Jack said he didn’t want to interfere in the part of Heaven filled with humans, even though he misses you both. But he’s watching over you, we both are. I felt like it might be better not to meddle as well, but my willpower is less strong that Jack’s and I did go to see Sam eventually. It was great seeing him after all this time, and he said that just because you weren’t calling didn’t mean you didn’t want to see me.”

“He’s right.” Dean is quick to reassure him.

Cas gives him a sad look, so he keeps talking.

“Look Cas, every time you died, every time I lost you, it broke me. And when you sacrificed yourself for me, I felt like I was dying with you. Sam called me about a dozen times before I managed to pick up the phone that night, because I was hurting so much that I couldn’t move.” He pauses, getting choked up as he relives that night. He clears his throat and continues: “But we had to defeat Chuck, we had to save the world, and I had to shove it all down so I could get up and fight. And then we won, and it felt fucking wrong because you were gone and Jack was kinda gone too but we finally had free will and we had each other. You saved me, over and over again, and I owed it to you, to Sam, Jack and everybody we lost along the way to try and enjoy this freedom. I got a dog and tried to pretend that I was gonna be okay, and I was even starting to believe it but then I got impaled.”

“You prayed to me that night.” Castiel interrupts, barely above a whisper.

“You heard?”

“It wasn’t clear but I could feel that something was wrong. I wanted to come save you, but Jack didn’t let me. He said we had to let things happen, and that timing wasn’t too bad since we had just finished our work on Heaven. I’m so sorry Dean.” Castiel lowers his head as he apologizes, but Dean has already caught the glint in his eyes and squeezes his shoulder in a comforting way.

“Don’t be. I first died when I was 26 and many times after that, never thought I’d make it to 42. I’ve had many chances, YOU saved me many times, it wasn’t fair of me to ask you again. I don’t think I was even asking, I think I was just pissed to die so quickly and so stupidly after you had sacrificed yourself for me. I thought you were still in the Empty and I didn’t know if you could hear me, but I wanted to try and say goodbye. I wish I could have enjoyed the post-Chuck life a bit longer, sure, but I get Jack’s point. The world is finally right, so we had to stop with the deals, the changing destiny and the resurrections and mess things up again. And you both did a great job up here.” Dean says with a smile.

“I’m glad you like it.” Castiel replies, returning his smile.

“So what does this mean for you?” Dean asks. “You’re the new God’s adoptive father, that must make you the big boss around here.”

Cas laughs.

“Hierarchy is much more fluid than it used to be.” He explains. “There aren’t many angels around, but our graces are much more powerful, and Jack barely ever leaves so it’s more than enough to keep Heaven powered. We closed the gates to keep the angels in and we just make sure things keep working here. It’s quiet.”

“You bored yet?”

“Not so much, even though I’ve been around for a very long time, those few years spent trying to save the world were exhausting. I enjoy the quietness. My few years on Earth were the best of my long existence and have changed me forever, but I needed to find peace. We were finally able to build the paradise humans deserve, that you deserve. It should have been that way all along. Now that the restoration work is done, I have a lot more time on my hands. I might have some ‘angel business’ to attend every once in a while but Jack said I was mostly relieved of my duties and I should enjoy my freedom.” He explains with a smile while Dean feels his cheeks redden because Castiel used air quotes for the first time in a long time and looked so freaking adorable. Half an hour ago, he wouldn’t have dared to imagine seeing the angel again, and now he can barely focus on anything else that the fact that he’s so madly in love with him.

“Which means I could spend more time around here, if my presence is welcomed.” Castiel adds, shyly. He tries to not get his hopes up, because they haven’t really talked about his confession, but Dean seems happy to see him. Maybe he could stick around. Being by his side as his friend was much better that being away from him.

“Cas, you’re an angel.” Dean blurts out.

“I’m aware.” Castiel replies, confused.

“I just… I always knew you were an angel, hell your entrance the night we met in that barn is hard to forget, but then you became my best friend, you became more human and I guess I started seeing that in you, more than who you actually are.” Dean tries to explain.

“My human side, your friend, that’s also part of who I am, who I’ve become by being part of your family.” Castiel says, still not understanding where the conversation is going.

“I know that, I just… I’m a messed up human Cas. Sure, I’ve helped save the world, but I also helped breaking it in the first place. I’ve made mistakes. You said I changed you but I feel like I broke you. That peace and quiet with the angels, you deserve it. You deserve the perfect heaven. Truth is, I’ve been wanting to call you the minute Bobby told me you were around, but I didn’t want to drag you down again.” Dean says, his voice breaking.

Castiel tends to forget how much Dean can hate himself, how unworthy he always feels. He can feel hope again, that maybe the reason Dean hasn’t returned his feelings is because he still believes he doesn’t deserve to be loved.

“Dean.” The angel says with determination. “I understand that you will never see yourself the way I see you. But if there’s even a small part of you that wants me around, I’d like to stay with you.” He adds in a soft voice, putting a reassuring hand on the one that Dean still has on his shoulder.

“Of course I want you to stay. I don’t think you realize how miserable I am without you Cas.” Dean replies before pulling the angel against him, a second time.

They’re hugging again, and everything feels right. However, Dean knows there’s still a question that linger, even if Cas hasn’t mentioned his confession since the beginning of his conversation. Slowly, he steps back from their embrace and cups the angel’s face with both hands. Their faces are so close they’re almost touching, and Dean smiles when he sees how wide Castiel’s eyes have become. The hands that were holding his waist tightly are now gripping his shirt. 

“I suck at this, and it’s especially difficult after your incredible speech from that night, so I’m just gonna kiss you now, okay?”

Castiel nods, speechless. And finally, _finally_ , their lips are touching. It’s soft at first, because Cas seems too stunned to move and Dean can’t believe he’s actually doing this, so their lips are just pressed against each other, but it’s the best feeling in the world. Dean smiles against the angel’s lips, and it’s like a switch has been flipped. Castiel catches his smile, pressing their lips together with more intent, bringing their bodies even closer. He still hasn’t fully registered how they got from Dean’s self-loathing to kissing, but he’s waited for too long to not reciprocate. Their kisses get bolder, their tongues finally meet and they both feel like they won't ever want to let go. So, when their lips part, they’re both smiling. They can’t seem to stop touching each other, can’t seem to look away.

“I love you too.” Dean whispers, and Castiel’s smile gets bigger, brighter than the sun.

_Now Heaven is finally perfect_ , Dean can’t help but think, before kissing his angel again.


End file.
